I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
