people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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