I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
