Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
