Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
