if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
