I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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