hotel room ftw
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
