she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
