so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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