True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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