I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
