According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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