i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
