He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The adults are the big ones right?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
