i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
