you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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