I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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