i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
