Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
