But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
