I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
