When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This couple is walking their pig around campus
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
