It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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