We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im holly from the hills drunk
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
