i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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