I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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