shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dignity is for republicans.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
