i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
