I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
