In the future we'll all be gay
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
