Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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