let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
