so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
