So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
