Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
