i would punch a child for taco bell
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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