I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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