I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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