1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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