you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
