P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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