can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
...so i touched it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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