At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Im part way to drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
