In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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