Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
