She's JV to your varsity
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
