what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
