And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
