You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
